When the panic monster doesn't scare you anymore
Or when you've convinced yourself that deadlines aren't real
I’m THE procrastinator of my family.
It’s kind of a running joke at this point. When I was in school, I’d regularly wait until the night before the due date to start a big assignment and then complete the entire thing in a matter of hours.
It was almost like a superpower how I could wait until the very last minute to start something, maintain laser focus as I rushed to complete it, and end up with a final product that was actually good.
I used to tell myself that I “worked well under pressure.” But the truth is, I had a bit of a secret weapon when it came to big, important tasks.
The Panic Monster.
The “Panic Monster” is a concept I learned about from Tim Urban’s TED Talk “Inside the Mind of a Master Procrastinator.” The Panic Monster represents the surge of panic that essentially forces you to take action when a deadline is approaching.
For me, the Panic Monster was almost like an accountability partner of sorts. For the longest time, we had somewhat of an agreement. We weren’t exactly fond of each other, but we had an unspoken understanding. He’d let me indulge in whatever distraction I wanted to indulge in, and then when we were down to crunch time, he’d drag me — kicking and screaming — to the chair to work. He’d hover behind me as the clock ticked away, making sure I stayed on task until the project was complete.
Over time, I started to push the boundaries of my relationship with the Panic Monster. It started out small — I’d submit an assignment due at 11:59pm at 12:05am, for example. The Panic Monster would always be a little disappointed, but I very quickly picked up on the fact that he was more bark than bite. He wasn’t actually going to do anything about it.
One day, I realized I wasn’t scared of him anymore.
That was the beginning of a very slippery slope for me. Before I knew it, I had completely “lost the plot,” so to speak.
I started blowing past deadlines more often than not — sometimes by just a few minutes or hours, sometimes by days.
Eventually, the Panic Monster got sick and tired of me not holding up my end of our agreement. He packed up and got out of Dodge, and though he still pops in every once in a while, he’s pretty much done with me.
The result of this? Deadlines just don’t freak me out like they used to. My many, many boundary-pushing moments taught me that most deadlines aren’t actually all that important, and missing one isn’t going to be the end of the world.
I’d argue that most of the time there are no significant consequences.
There have even been times when I’ve essentially gotten rewarded for missing a deadline. I have one freelance writing client who, since the beginning of our working relationship, I’ve pretty consistently submitted assignments late to. Yet, they continue to assign me work, sometimes even giving me additional work on top of overdue projects that I’ve yet to complete.
I’m not telling you this because I’m proud of it. I’m certainly not.
I’m telling you this because every time I’m “rewarded” for missing a deadline, or even simply not punished, it reinforces to my ADHD brain that deadlines are actually totally irrelevant.
Over the last couple years, it’s gotten so bad that I’ve almost tricked my brain into believing that the true deadline of a project is 2-3 days after the given deadline. So now, if I submit a project on time, I sometimes feel proud of myself for being “early.”
The only way I’m really phased by a deadline these days if if there’s a guaranteed, immediate, detrimental real-world consequence for missing it. If the consequence doesn’t meet at least two of these criteria, my brain tends to skirt right past it like it doesn’t exist.
So if you’re an ADHDer in a similar situation, what does that mean for you?
Well, from my experience, when the Panic Monster abandons you, that’s when you’re capital-S-screwed. Because once he walks out of your life, he never really returns.
It turns out that once you’ve essentially “rewired” the way your brain views deadlines, it’s not so easy to reverse.
Not to be all doom and gloom, but I really don’t know what the solution for this phenomenon is. Common advice I’ve received is to give myself my own deadlines before real ones. The problem with that is my brain is still aware of the real deadline, and won’t obey the “fake” one that I set.
It’s odd because my brain is me, yet there are times she feels like a separate entity that just so happens to be smarter than me.
That seems to be one of the unfortunate parts about having ADHD — our brains regularly outsmart us and work against us to our own detriment.